An Idiot’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

Sooooooooo. Valentine’s day. That’s a thing. That’s coming up. Because nothing says ‘love’ more that a fat flying baby in a diaper/ monstrous love god. and chocolate.

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Cupid and Psyche

By the way, in case you didn’t know, Cupid was in greek mythology. Like the majority of those in greek mythology, he was kinda a dick, but I’ll elaborate on that in a later post; it’s actually one of my favourite myths.

Valentine’s day always seems to be surrounded by mixed feelings- some love it, others despise it. Some only like it if they have a significant other, while others love to use it to celebrate love of all types-friend, family, romantic. I’ve always fit under the last category. But, for the first time, not all my friends are single on valentine’s day. andddddd neither am I. But that doesn’t change how I feel about the holiday; I intend on celebrating it with everyone I care about.

This is my guide to Valentine’s day. When I say it’s the idiot’s guide, I mean it in the sense that it’s written by an idiot. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to help because it’s a confusing fucking holiday. You probably shouldn’t listen to me, honestly, but maybe, by some insane twist of fate, you need even more help than I do. So this is for you. Good luck.

  1. Try not to overcomplicate it. Seriously, just keep things simple. focus on the people you actually give a shit about, and the people you want to spend time with. If you’re celebrating with people you feel obligated to celebrate with, that defeats the point of the entire holiday.
  2. Decide how/if you’re doing gifts, and stick to it. Gifts only going to friends? great! Gifts to your S.O.? Fantastic! Gifts to your family? Nice! But don’t give some friends gifts, or some family gifts, and leave others out. Trust me, I learned this one the hard way – nobody likes a pissed off friend that’s mad at you for not giving a gift.
  3. Be open with people. Because it sucks to get a gift and have nothing to give. There’s another personal experience one. (Seriously, it sucks. I felt so bad. But I’m poor and can’t afford to give stuff to all my friends, much less the people that make me want to brain myself with a brick)
  4. Try not to be bitter or miserable. I’ve been that person, it just makes the holiday no fun for yourself. So celebrate your friends and your family. Eat all the half priced chocolate on the 15th. Buy a pizza meant for two and eat it with your friends(or by yourself, no judging)
  5. It’s okay to be a dork. Some people love heartfeltness, others love meme valentines. Either way, just go with what you like and say how you feel. Because it can be fun to be a dork.

As I said, this is the guide written by an idiot. I have no clue what I’m doing. Don’t listen to me, if you know what’s good for you. Please send help before I screw this up too much.

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