There’s nothing quite like standing on a precipice, preparing to jump into the unknown void of college, that makes you realize you have no. fucking. clue. what you’re doing.
Welcome back to “An Idiot’s Guide”, a segment where, I, an idiot, try to explain the realities of a situation. I hope this is helpful, entertaining, or both.
1-Congrats! you got in! fill in the necessary paperwork and sell your soul so you can make the deposit. If you no longer have your soul because you sold it to get in, or during AP or IB exams, sell your kidney.
2-Fill out the roommate application. Convince yourself, for that moment, that you are a quiet, clean, and studious person who can sleep even with the highest levels of noise.
3-Immediately regret saying that.
4-Wonder whether the question “do you drink alcohol?” should be answered honestly.
5-Submit your application. Pray to whatever you believe in(or the general universe) that you get nice people.
6-Wait for your roommate assignment.
7-Wait for your roommate assignment.
8-Wait for your roommate assignment.
9-Wait for your roommate assignment.
10-Wait for your roommate assignment.
11-Start compiling a list of what you need. Wish you had your roommate assignment so you could coordinate. Decide that you’ll wait until you get your roommate assignment.
12-Wait for your roommate assignment.
13-Wait for your roommate assignment.
14-Wait for your roommate assignment.
15-Realize you move-in in two weeks, give up and go shopping.
16-Realize that nobody carries twin XL sheets.
17-Go to 5 different stores looking for twin XL sheets before ordering them off Amazon
18-Buy something random from Amazon so you get free shipping
19-Try to determine if you’ll really need a kettle and a coffee maker
20-Buy the kettle and the coffee maker
21-Buy food. Because shopping is hard.
22-Buy coffee. Because you’re getting tired.
23-Give up. Decide you’ll get the rest of your stuff some other day.
24-Go home. Haul all your stuff into your room and realize you have so.much.stuff.
25-Check your email, because maybe, maybe you got your roommate assignment.
26-Realize you didn’t (and be sad)
27-Get a message request on facebook
28-Realize that the message request is from your roommate! The assignment email was sent to your new school email!
29-Get really excited because your roommate sounds really cool.
30-Send out emails to the rest of your roommates
31-Wait for a reply
32-Pack all your stuff into boxes, realize you have no idea what’s going to happen in the next few years.
33-Try to decide whether or not you can bring 15 books, 1000 pictures and your KitchenAid mixer
34-Convince yourself you can
36-Realize you won’t see your pets 24/7 for the next semester. pledge to get some quality time while you still have it
37-Realize all your friends are moving in. freak out a little
38-Feel super proud of your friends
40-Take every opportunity to see your friends before they move to the other side of the country. Know that you’ll still be friends no matter how far away they are.
41-Realize how much you’re going to miss them, but know that they’re going to do amazing things and be excited for them
42-Do some sort of DIY project for your dorm
43-Sort out prescriptions/bank stuff/other official things that are needed to adult
45-Feel mature. Realize you still can’t open a jar by yourself, and that maybe you’re not so mature.
46-Get your student ID. Wish it hadn’t rained for the entire time you were walking around, trying to find the student ID office.
’47-Drive by your high school, and realize you’re not going back
48-Be a little bit sad
49-Realize you never have to see(and be polite to) your chem teacher again and become ecstatic
50-Get really excited for move in day, and everything that is ahead of you