Solo Travel and the Art of Being Alone

Note: Sooooo I contemplated posting this for a solid two weeks before finally biting the bullet and doing it. This is an opinion piece, and in the world of cancel culture I was worried someone would take it the wrong way. I decided to post it nonetheless, and if you have an issue with what I’m saying, I’m always up for a debate! let me know in the comments.

Recently, I spent a week in London. While I will have a post up on that trip later, I wanted to make a quick post about the question I have been asked whenever I tell people about my trip. Sometimes it’s the first question, sometimes it doesn’t come up until I’ve given a rundown of the trip, but inevitably, it always comes up.

“Who’d you go with?”

To which, I must admit to the well-meaning friend, “Actually, I went by myself.”
There’s always a look of confusion. A split second of quizzical why that flashes across their face. Sometimes, I’m just asked-tactically, “oh, that’s cool. How’d you decide to go solo?” and sometimes a more blatant “didn’t you get bored? Lonely? How’d you make it a full week alone in a city where you know nobody? Didn’t you go a little crazy after a day or so?”

There’s an obsession, reinforced by the constant connectedness that results from social media, that you have to have a community around you at all times. A partner. Friends to hang out with. If you don’t, you’re antisocial. It’s as though being alone can only be a direct result of being unable to spend time with the people you care about, or that you simply don’t have these people in your life.

That being alone = being lonely.

Some people seem impressed. Others just seem to pity you.

For some reason, being alone makes people uncomfortable. Maybe it’s rooted in the human tendency to formulate community, especially when in new spaces. Perhaps it’s got something to do with the interconnectedness of social media. I can’t make a call. But, beyond everything else, it suggests two things to me

One: People are unwilling to try things that make them uncomfortable, even when they might want to, or there is no rational reason not to .

Two: People are uncomfortable being forced to listen to their own thoughts for extended periods of time.

And honestly, these things make me a little bit sad. The universe is an uncomfortable place for us to exist within. If you don’t make an effort to work the muscle that is your ability to handle low-level fear, it will atrophy. You will find yourself unable to undertake rationally simple actions due to the encroaching fear.

Additionally, it’s only when you’re alone, contemplating your thoughts, that you can actually sort them; this is why activities like journaling, meditation, and repetitive tasks are found to be enjoyable. Some may say this is why food blogs tend to go on about old stories and explanations for recipe decisions; when your brain isn’t preoccupied with music, tv, social media, radio, etc., you’re forced to think inwards about your choices, life, and why you act the way you do.
Or maybe I just spend too much time in my own head. But personally, I feel that when I am placed in a situation where I’m required to make fast-paced, important decisions, I know what I should do. When you become comfortable with your own way of thinking from an objective perspective, you become better at analyzing your thought process and the influences’ effect on it.

Additionally, in the modern world, people tend to view lack of entertainment as strange; maybe you’re sitting on the subway, and you don’t have your nose deep into a book or have your phone in front of your face. But it’s only because your phone died, you forgot your book. You wouldn’t choose to be unoccupied- that’s weird and doesn’t fit into the hustle culture that’s so important in our society. If you’re not taking in news, entertainment, anything, you sure as hell better be producing something.

Personally, I find time by myself quite useful. And honestly, enjoyable once you become comfortable with being alone. So that’s my challenge for everyone; take an hour and spend time with yourself. Get a coffee, alone, without your phone or a book. Go for a walk without playing music. Learn to entertain yourself, and relearn to appreciate the life you live and the world you live in. Your retention of information will improve once you reintroduce external entertainment, and you will be able to sit with yourself more comfortably if-god forbid- your phone dies next time you’re commuting.